i'm such a fool.

you say i twist your words. but i merely want you to see that even the top 10 unis may not be the best place to study whatever course i may wish to be doing. what kind of nonsense is it to say just go to top 10 then i pay for your higher education overseas? if you want me to study in Singapore and Singapore only, just tell me outright instead of beating around the bush and attaching conditions like must be top 10. first of all, i'm not smart enough to get into top 10. i understand the difference between reaching for my dreams and being realistic. and really, does rankings really matter if the university is a good one?

i don't mind studying in Singapore but can you understand the competition for certain courses? of course not, seeing that when you went to NUS, you didn't need that high a grade. let's see, what did you get? yup, what you got won't allow you to enter my kind of course nowadays. i doubt you'll even be able to study there. sounds mean? i'm just annoyed that you say you'll support me in where and whatever i want to study-- so long as it's top 10 for overseas and for local unis. this higher education studying is just completely irrational and irritating because i'm forced to think about it even before i attempt my A levels, leaving me with the option of questioning my own self worth and ability far more than should be required. forget it, the best option i have now is to get into a course of my own choice at the local universities, preferably with a scholarship attached because i won't want you to start complaining about paying even my local uni fees. throw in a bond too so that i'll have an immediate job. but seriously, i highly doubt any organisation will be willing to give me a scholarship or whatever competitive course because i'm not doing fantastically well. so why am i even thinking about all of this and getting so worked up for??? and don't start with the "you chose your options (arts) so don't complain" as if i want to study medicine or engineering.

yes, unfortunately, discounting my slightly low self esteem and not great grades, i'm wondering if i'll have to go overseas anyway because not even the local Us will have me. sometimes i wish all those smart people will drop dead. i shall start working harder AND smarter. but believe me, hard work isn't the garauntee for good grades. i shall not go into another rant, suffice to say that as long as i get my 4 As (which is haha, laughably hard) i shalln't have to worry about my options. anyway, i shall just go ahead and apply to overseas universities if the teachers ( like my teacher advisor) feel that i can make it and inform you in due course when i see fit.

do you know there's going to be a subscription fee for Straits Times Interactive (STI)? i'm quite annoyed by that because i like backtracking issues and it's great for first hand updates for football leagues. this sucks! oh, and they should just put the barclay highlights earlier so i don't have to wait until midnight to catch some football action. i need SCV.

and i realised i'm very concern with higher education options. must be the stress and the school piling on the "better work hard or you regret it" kind of feeling. anyway, better start thinking about what to put in my personal statement.

and yup, for the issue that i was thinking about so much that i thought i would go mad, i finally figured it out. and suddenly it doesn't seem like that big a deal after all. i wonder if that's a good or bad thing.

want to buy a pair of black cargo pants. want to spend a day shopping but i realised that i might not be able to finish my 5 essays if i do. does that mean i have to like do one per day to complete it besides studying (not really studying since i need to go through stuff like stats and NIA cos for subs like econs i have no idea what we were doing for the first 3 months, i was there for tutorials and lectures but i'm so unclear about everything it's not funny) i've already got plans for thurs, fri and sat... and no, they don't involve lotsa fun, but at least fri and sat are going to be for interest sake, lectures on Singapore and the region. quite exciting for me. ugh. sad life. don't worry i know how to have fun. :P

... what march hols?